The Ministry of Presence
I met a young actor recently who told me a story I love.
She’s about to film her scene and is super nervous. That’s when her castmate, Emma Stone, rolls up and nonchalantly asks, “Hey, ya want some tater tots?”
“Umm…hell yeah!”
Emma proceeds to pull out a ziplock bag packed with tater tots that I can only assume she swiped from craft service.
They munch together smiling in silence.
The nerves subside in the young actor and shortly thereafter the director yells ‘Action!’
They film their scene without a hiccup.
Apparently, Emma was showing up as part of The Ministry of Presence. A phrase unfamiliar to me and one that has stuck with me.
My version of what the Ministry means is that you show up fully for someone giving them your undivided attention and unwavering support. Oftentimes, it’s not so much about what you say, or if you say anything at all. It’s about you you being available and attentive.
The question I’ve been chewing on though is how do I attend to myself and really listen to what my body is presenting me?
On the inside
When it comes to somatic awareness, I’m late to the game. Relatively content living in my own head — I could absorb, ruminate, and analyze until the cows came home.
I was disembodied for most of my life.
My happiness was often dependent on others. My internal landscape would make it difficult to attach securely to others. My sense of self was reliant on others accepting and liking me. You get the picture.
Most of my experiences occurred in my mind with a stream of thoughts narrating the activity. It wasn’t intuitive for me to feel and it didn’t seem to bother me that much. Until it did.
Only after experimenting with different practices — did my interoception improve. My awareness of what I need whether that be electrolytes or electro beats is quite attuned now. My ability to listen to my inner world, and to know my interiority is refining.
Let your body do the talking
Not only is ‘Let Your Body do the Talkin’ a great funk song — it’s also sage advice. “All you gotta do is let your body speak to you,” the lyrics go. If we’re tuned in, our bodies tell us precisely what we need.
Often the reason why it’s so hard to hear what the body is saying is that we have two dialogues happening simultaneously. We are tuning into our inner world while responding to the outside one.
By first understanding and then tuning into your inner dialogue you can start to reprogram your automatic responses. In this way, it’s possible to find freedom in how you choose to be. The most profound technique I’ve learned to increase somatic awareness is something we all have easy access to: breathing.
Notice your breath right now. Are you breathing in and out through your nose or mouth, or a mixture of the two? Is your inhale about the same duration as your exhale, shorter, or longer? Varying your breath can increase calmness (slowing down your heart rate), boost wakefulness (activating the sympathetic nervous system), and help you focus (stimulating the cerebral cortex). And this is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of benefits.
When we are aware of what’s happening inside we have the capacity to change our psychology and physiology. And when we let our bodies do the talking we can show up for others fully resourced.
On the Outside
You can’t fully show up for anyone if you can’t show up for yourself first. I think this is why the Ministry of presence is so salient — it’s dependent on your ability to self-regulate so that you can co-regulate with others.
It’s all too easy to regulate your internal state through external means. Otherwise known as addiction, this is not necessarily your garden variety. I have found myself obsessed with exercise, sweets, cleaning, Netflix, and work.
As renowned addiction expert Gabor Mate explains, we must learn to repattern our unconscious patterns. It is our responsibility if we want to change our physiology. And this is the key — if we want the freedom to live healthy, regulated, and easeful lives, we must understand the terrain inside us.
We often fail to respond to the present moment and instead respond to the past. Our bodies are that freaking intelligent. The body can also let go of patterns plain that it’s holding clasping to.
When I got stressed I would typically divert my attention to physical activity to get ‘rid of it.’ Now I know I can simply put my hand on my chest — focus on my breath and sit with the stress until it passes.
When I get emotionally triggered I can now feel it in my shoulders. In these instances, I have myriad choices on how I respond and how I want to be. This is not to say that I don’t get tripped up from time to time. It’s that when we’re really listening, our bodies are relaying information to us in a constant physiological feedback loop. We can decide to listen to or ignore the data.
Since the last newsletter, an injury slowed me down. It’s spurred me to become much more attentive. Tomorrow I’m going to an osteopath for the first time in my life. And while I can thank my mind for telling me to do so, it’s my body I really should be congratulating.
I think Emma Stone must have known how to embody the mental and somatic. Her body recalled the nerves she once felt when she was a young actor. Busting out those tater tots — she gave her younger self a gift. And in the process, she put another body at ease.
Become a Shaper
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I’m Jonas. I think, write, and coach about creativity, work, and the good life. If you want to get my monthly digest of goodness (of which above is a sample) simply subscribe below and it’ll come straight to you
“Most of us think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, but we are actually feeling creatures that think.”
- Jill Bolte Taylor
